With the excitement of announcing your engagement out of the way, many brides feel weighted down as they try and make the all-important decision of who should be in their wedding party. They have ideas of who they want to share the entire experience with, but don't want to risk disappointing, or worse yet, offending any close friends or family members.
Being asked to be a bridesmaid is considered to be a gesture of honor and appreciation. It signifies that the person is someone of great importance to the bride, but more importantly, the person is someone who the wedding couple trusts to help them make their big day a success. All of the bridesmaids are expected to assist during the planning process of the wedding, help relieve stress and anxiety of the bride, and provide much-needed emotional support in the months leading up the ceremony. This is even more true of the maid of honor, who basically become the bride's right hand throughout the entire process, helping her along each and every step along the way.
To ensure your wedding runs smoothly, it is critical to make good decisions about who should be in your wedding party. One of the best ways to help make this important decision is to consider some key factors when looking at the various candidates.
The first step is to consider is how important is this friend in your life. Are they someone you see often, or if they live out of town, at least someone you communicate with on a regular basis? I mean it's great that you were best friends as children, but are you still close? Growing up, the two of you may have inseparable. The two of you may have even planned out your dream weddings, promising with a pinky-swear to be each other's maid of honor, but it's okay to recognize that circumstances in our lives cause things to change and that people grow apart. Your childhood friend may be someone who is still important to you, but they could be just as easily invited as a guest instead of a bridesmaid. You aren't expected to keep promises that you made when you were 10 or 11 years old. Your bridesmaids should be people who you currently count as your closest friends. They would be the people that you immediately called as soon as you got engaged. They are the ones that you still envision being close to 10 or 15 years down the road. The people you choose should be the ones you consider to be your closest friends now in this current stage of your life.
Another critical component is to consider how reliable this person is. Face it. You're going to be counting on them a lot to help you out with a variety of tasks. It could include everything from addressing and sending out invitations, attending dress fittings, helping plan bridal showers, attending all the various pre-wedding and post-wedding functions, and running errands for you, particularly in the last week before the big day. Are they someone you know will be able to step in and help out as needed ? Are they someone who is good at anticipating things that will need to get done or in solving problems as they arise? You want to choose people who you can rely on to be organized and on top of things. Do you really want to have to deal with someone who blows off a dress fitting because something came up at work or continuously finds excuses to avoid helping out with the invitations and other odd jobs that all need to get done? More importantly, do you want to deal with the added stress of dealing with this person on top of everything else you will be worrying about? Choose people who won't let you down.
The final important factor is to consider how will the members of your wedding party get along? If you choose people that are high maintenance, or can't stand each other, recognize that you could be setting yourself up for disaster. One would hope that people would be professional enough that they could put aside their differences for the day, but unfortunately, this isn't always the case. Some people need to be the center of attention. As the bride, you are entitled to be in the spotlight on your big day. You shouldn't have to share it with a high drama bridesmaid that requires excess attention.
Once you make your decision on who is best suited to being part of your wedding party, there is nothing stopping you from finding other significant ways to include some of friends and family who didn't make the list. From picking up people at the airport, to making sure people sign the guest book or photo mat, there is an endless list of jobs that need to be completed. With some careful thought and consideration, I'm sure you can find something to help make other friends and family members more involved. It is critical that you make sure that these friends know that you value their friendship and consider them to be an important person in your life. Most people will understand and be happy to be included in some way.
Your bridesmaids should be close friends or family members that will share the entire wedding experience with you. It's not to say that there won't be tension along the way, but a wedding can be something that draws all of you closer together. You want your bridesmaids to be people you can rely on and count on to support you every step of the way. Make good decisions about the people who are going to stand by your side so you can focus on the real goal of actually getting married and enjoying the entire experience!
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Cathy MacRae is a certified wedding and event planner, and owner of Creative Weddings and Occasions. Located in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, she plans wedding for couples in and around the Calgary and Banff area. She is also a destination wedding and honeymoon travel specialist. For more information about planning your own wedding or for advice from Cathy, please contact her at info@creativeweddingsandoccasions.com.
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