For many brides, the etiquette surrounding your wedding can be daunting at times. There seems to be rules for everything, including which fork to use, and how to properly word invites. There are seating charts and table arrangements. The list of what-to-do, and more importantly, what-NOT-to-do seems endless. On that same token, however, you don’t want to risk offending anyone – especially any of your future in-laws!
Although there are a lot of things to think about in terms of wedding etiquette, the best idea is to take things one step at a time. Today’s hot topic will be how to deal with the thank you cards.
The first rule of thumb to be aware of is that a note of thanks should be sent for ALL engagement, shower, and wedding gifts. Don’t forget, however, about the other “gifts”. These could be people who have hosted a shower or baked goodies for your engagement party. Your attendants also deserve a special note conveying your appreciation for all of the extra effort they have contributed in the months leading up to your wedding, and, of course, on your big day. A heartfelt message letting someone know how much their efforts have been appreciated can mean the world to its recipient!
Secondly, each thank you note should be handwritten and should mention specifically the gift item received. If possible, make a positive compliment about the gift, such as, “Eric and I look forward to using the serving platter you gave during the upcoming holiday season.” The message does not need to be an epic novel. Three to five sentences will suffice, with the final sentence thanking them one last time. The important thing to remember is to keep it personal and sincere.
At this point, the question is always raised, what if you can’t stand the item and plan to return it the first chance you have? My response is what some people don’t know won’t hurt them. Thank the sender in the note for the gift and let them know how much you appreciate their thoughtfulness. The recipient does not need to know how you really feel or that you plan on taking the gift back. (I’m not sure if you know this or not, but are you aware that your wedding guests are not obligated to give you a gift? It’s entirely up to their discretion.)
To help make your job easier, make sure that during any gift opening you have someone, such as one of your attendants or perhaps a close relative, keep a detailed list of what each gift was and who it was from. This will make your live much easier later when you go back to write out each thank you card.
Thank you cards should be written within three months of receiving the gift (contrary to popular belief that you have a year). Ideally, the thank you note should be written the day that you receive the gift, but this often is not the least bit realistic for those of you with a busy career. Try and set a daily or weekly goal for yourself so the task of writing the thank you cards doesn’t become too onerous. Remember, as well, that you can share the wealth and get your groom to write some of the thank you cards, too! After all, his name was on the card as well.
Sending a note for a gift is a must! Don’t let anyone tell you that an e-mail or generic letters will suffice. Even if you miss the three-month deadline, send a note afterwards with an added apology for the delay in getting it mailed out. As they say, better late than never. If you have any doubts as to whether your efforts will be appreciated, think of how nice it is to receive something in the mail besides bills or advertisements. Your thank you card will not only let a family member or friend know that you appreciated their effort, but will most likely also bring a smile to the recipient’s face!
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Cathy MacRae is a certified wedding and event planner, and owner of Creative Weddings and Occasions and Del Sol Destination Weddings. Located in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, she plans wedding for couples in and around the Calgary and Banff area. She is also a destination wedding and honeymoon travel specialist helping couples plan their weddings in paradise all around the world. For more information about planning your own wedding or for advice from Cathy, please contact her at info@creativeweddingsandoccasions.com.
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